A Cough Equals A Dark Cloud of Doubt

Yesterday was my 3 month PET scan. I had the usual scan anxiety. But the rational part of my brain was trying to rule my thoughts to a good outcome. I've been feeling great. Two weeks ago, I even had my best mental and physical day of the last 12 months. I had no pain. I had energy. I was feeling good. I even had thoughts of, it could be possible to have many, or most of my days, pain free and without a care.

Encourage your hopes / Not your fears

But then I crashed. I felt like I was getting sick. I never did get full on sick. I did get a cough. At first it was annoying. But this last weekend and the beginning of this week it was bad with congestion. I decided not to wait until my already scheduled appointment to report my cough. I called the Dr. on Monday.  They said it probably was just the start of an upper respiratory infection and called in an antibiotic prescription for me.  

The combo of not feeling 100%, anxiety about my scan and the sound of my horrible cough got me down. I just needed that cough and my fears to go away!!!!

How do you overcome the fear of the unknown?

The bracelet in the photo was given to me by an acquaintance that is a pancreatic cancer survivor. I don't wear it all the time. But I put it on when I feel the fears overpowering the hopes. I wore it yesterday.

The scan results reflected how I was feeling before the cough set in. No active cancer is visible on my PET scan! There will be no changes in my current treatment plan. You don't fix something that isn't broken.

My next set of follow up scans will be at the end of October, 2016. Instead of a, more detailed, PET scan, it will be a CT scan with contrast. I will also have a brain MRI. This is just a routine one year scan. There is no current reason or concern that requires an MRI.

One Year Ago Today...July 24, 2015

One year ago today the Uncle Samta windsock was hung with care and the first toy donation was under the tree. I had last minute preparations to complete for our Christmas in July party that was scheduled for the next day.

One other thing I had to do that day was get a CT scan. This was the next step after something cloudy showed up on an xray two weeks before. I was to get the scan and have a follow up office appointment, a week or two later, with my primary care physician, Dr. Bird. I never expected a follow up phone call within hours of my scan appointment.

It was Dr. Bird. I can't remember the words he said. Whatever it was it sounded serious enough for me to grab the nearest pen and piece of paper and started writing words and notes from our conversation.

For other breathing issues I had a CT scan in 2008. So we had a baseline to compare to. When referring to my upper right lobe he used the words, mass and slow growing neoplasm. There were spots and nodules throughout both of my lungs. The nodules looked like an infection in the scan. I had been tested for TB. But it was days before we had the final results. There was a possibility I had tuberculosis. But I hadn't been out of the country or around anyone with TB. I discussed the party with Dr. Bird. I didn't want to spread an infection to my family and friends. And I didn't want to cancel the day before. He suggested I cancel the party. But if I decided to still have the party, I needed to keep my distance, wear a mask and not cough near anyone in case this was an infection. He referred me to a pulmonologist for the next test, a bronchoscopy, scope biopsy, to determine if the neoplasm was benign or malignant.

I had never heard the word, neoplasm. So I went to the internet to look up the definition. 

It was the the first time the word cancer had come up. I decided to stay away from the internet research until we knew exactly what we were dealing with. I didn't want to waste time and energy researching anything that didn't pertain to me and my condition.

I decided the show must go on. I didn't cancel the party. I didn't wear a mask. I had been around so many people at home and work. There was no way I had a contagious infection. Someone would have caught it by that point. We had fun, drinks and laughs that night. And we collected a bunch of toys for the Bob Telmosse Christmas Giveaway.

It was a good time and a much needed distraction that weekend.

Countdown to August 1, 2016

I will be released for all physical activities as of August 1. It just so happens to also be World Lung Cancer Day.

I am currently able to participate in low impact activities. After August 1 I'll be allowed to run again. I plan on running at least 1 mile symbolic run on August 1.

This was Week One of my Livestrong at the Y sessions. I'm so excited to get back to working out again. With the program my boyfriend/caregiver and I get free YMCA memberships to use anytime during the 12 week program.

Lisa Moran ready for Livestrong at the Y, June 11, 2016

I went to my first spinning class in a year. It was actually my first fitness class in a year. I have to admit, I got very emotional during the class. I was there, working out, just like before I got sick. I was there, working out! It was just like old times. I even had one of my dearest gym friends by my side. My friend, John, works out at the Y. We used to work out together in group fitness classes at Bally's and have known each other for over 10 years. 

During my spin class I got emotional thinking about being able to do the things I love again. I also thought of an online lung cancer connection, Don Stranathan. He is a seven year stage iv lung cancer survivor.  For several months I've followed his posts about going to his spin classes. His posts have been so inspirational and motivational. Thank you, Don.

One Year Ago Today...July 9, 2015

This is the first in a series of, "One Year Ago Today" posts.

One year ago today, on July 9, 2015, I met the man that ultimately saved my life.  One year ago today was my first appointment with my (then first and new) primary care physician, Dr. C. David Bird.

I explained to him I was having some shortness of breath and a persistent cough. I told him of my intermittent breathing problems and my brief, two appointment, history of going to two different urgent care type facilities and being told told, both times, (Dec 2014, June 2015) that my lungs sounded clear, when obviously to me they didn't feel clear.

At my Dr. Bird appointment I had an xray. That xray showed something in my upper lobe of my right lung. Dr. Bird said, although it may be the cause of my breathing problems, an xray wasn't enough to go on. He ordered a follow up CT Scan. The rest is history.

Why is it important to have a primary care physician? For me more frequent check ups, with one doctor, may have meant an earlier detection, possibly before a stage iv, inoperable, lung cancer diagnosis.

December 2014, I went to an urgent care type facility with what I thought was bronchitis. I was told my lungs sounded clear and my cough was from post nasal drip. Now, at the time I did have a terrible head cold. But at the appointment I made it a point to tell them that I coughed constantly, even without the head cold. I remember saying, "Jeremy says I cough all the time." No xray, no additional questions about my cough, no follow up suggested. I was given sinus meds to clear my head and sent on my way, like every other person with a head cold and post nasal drip that winter.

Fast forward to June 2015. Again, I thought I had bronchitis. I went to a different urgent care type facility. I told this Dr. that I felt like I had bronchitis and I coughed blood one time. I was told my lungs sounded clear and I had the tail end of a virus that was going around. No xray, no additional questions about my coughing blood, no follow up suggested. It really was one time, one cough, but I COUGHED BLOOD! I was given cough medicine and sent on my way, like every other person with that virus last summer.

It's so frustrating to think about stage iv lung cancer having the same symptoms of other, easy to fix, ailments.  It's also frustrating to think about the in and out exam offices and the lack of attention to individual patients. Or is it the lack of lung cancer education in the medical community altogether?

I owe my life to Dr. Bird.  Dr. Bird, a physician that listened to me and followed through until we knew exactly what we were dealing with.

One year ago today my life changed completely. It was just a few weeks later I would find out exactly how much it was going to change.

The F Word(s)

The 4th of July has been one of my top holidays. We will be celebrating the 4th on the 3rd this year. Today's activities will include family, food, a festival, friends, fun and fireworks. Some of my favorite F words!  Be safe everyone and enjoy your holiday weekend.

Peace Lungs and Football

I ran into an old gym friend and postal customer this week while I was at work. It had been over a year since we last spoke.  He asked how I was doing.  I said I was fine but followed with, "You won't believe what happened to me. I still can't believe it myself." I proceeded to give him my most condensed version of my lung cancer story. I've got it down to a few sentences for situations like this.

"In August 2015 I was diagnosed stage iv lung cancer. My cancer has a specific genetic mutation. My chemo is a pill. My last scan showed no evidence of disease. I love my job, so I'm still working and things are going well."

I'm very public with my story on Facebook, Twitter and this blog.  My co-workers know about my lung cancer. Delivering mail is one of the few things I have that isn't connected to lung cancer and being sick. I've been very selective in telling only a handful of customers about my diagnosis. But the very few that do know are now my biggest cheerleaders. I know it's no coincidence that the people I chose were either a cancer survivor themselves, had a personal connection to lung cancer or had a close family member diagnosed with cancer after I shared my story.

 

I've had the privilege to publicly share my lung cancer story two times this month. The first was at the Denver Lung Force Walk. It was such an honor to share my story along with three other Lung Force Heroes. Every story you hear starts with the initial lung cancer diagnosis shock and continues with courage, bravery, inspiration and hope.

I was a member of the Lung Force Walk Committee. This was my first time volunteering on the committee. It was exciting to help plan and be behind the scenes of such a successful event.  Thank you to everyone that participated and donated. We exceeded our fundraising goal by raising over $40,000!!!

 

On June 17, 2016 I shared my lung cancer story at the Patient Advocate Breakfast at the International Association for the Study of Lung Cancer.

Patient Advocate Speakers with IASLC staff

At the breakfast I heard the perspective of lung cancer from a 10 year old boy, Coy, who's mother, Kathy Weber, is a lung cancer survivor. If that doesn't hit you in the heart, I don't know what will. Kathy and Coy also spoke of their Pro Bowl experience. Kathy was the second highest fundraiser for last year's Team Draft Lung Cancer Survivors Super Bowl Challenge. Kathy and her family won a trip to the Pro Bowl. I've been interested in this contest since the first time I heard of it.

 

Football and the Cleveland Browns have been a big part of my life. Even more so this last year. I received my lung cancer diagnosis during the NFL 2015/16 preseason. Jeremy and I attended the first preseason game together. At that point we knew I had non small cell, adenocarcinoma.



Browns preseason game, August 13, 2015

The next afternoon was the appointment when we found out it was stage iv. The Cleveland Browns and the Pikes Peak Browns Backers were there for me each week during the first couple months of testing to getting my full diagnosis and adjusting to my radiation and targeted therapy treatments. At the time I was scared to make plans and go places. I called going to games my "Football Therapy". Watching the Browns is not so therapeutic for my blood pressure.  But it felt good to get up and out of the house each Sunday. Treatment could take my energy. But it was NOT going to take away my Browns.

 

Another speaker at the breakfast was Chris Draft, founder of the Chris Draft Family Foundation and Co-founder of Team Draft. Chris' wife, Keasha Rutledge Draft, lost her life to lung cancer in 2011. He is my lung cancer advocacy and fundraising hero. I didn't hesitate to tell him either.  He's an inspiration to me to continue to raise funds and to share my story as often and as loudly as possible while spreading lung cancer awareness.

 

 

 

The Best Laid Plans...

I've had an online friend for 15 years.  Her name is Mary. She lives on the east coast. We have common interests and and a common sense of humor.  Fitness is one those interests. Last year we decided that we would plan a trip to meet for the first time and we would run a 5k together.

That meeting took place last week. The plan to meet Mary was the last thing I had left of my life before lung cancer. So her visit was extra special.

She walked with me at the Denver Lung Force Walk on June 11. That was a 1/2 mile course. (I'll blog about the Walk in a different post.) That evening we went to Mile High Stadium for the Broncos Stadium Challenge 5k. 

I'm on some physical/exercise restrictions since my spine is still healing from my radiation treatment and from having the spinal tumor all together.  We went through the obstacle course.  Because of my restrictions I skipped a couple obstacles and I modified another. But I finished along side my good friend, Mary.

We started walking our 5k, the reason for her trip to Colorado. Before we could get to the point of the route where we would enter the stadium, be on the jumbo tron and have our photo taken, a lightening storm started. Our route was diverted to a weather safety shelter area on Concourse 9. We waited as long as we could. But hunger won and we left without finishing the 5k. A few minutes later we found out it was officially called off.  

The next day we had plans to go to the summit house at the top of Pikes Peak.  We almost  made it there.  But my car stalled a couple times from the altitude on the Pikes Peak Highway. It started up and we made the decision to skip the summit and turn around.  

Do you see a pattern here?  Even when things didn't go as planned, we still had a great time.  I can't thank Mary enough for her friendship and for visiting me.  I can't wait until the time she can return to Colorado and we can try to complete another 5k and maybe take the Cog Railway to the top of Pikes Peak.

Here's to the First Day of the Rest of My Life

It's so hard, mentally, to switch my targeted therapy, chemo pill.  I know the first pill is what helped shrink my tumors and nodules to nothing.  But physically, I have been uncomfortable and in pain.  Physically, that old pill can go away and never return.

Leave it to me to be the only person on record to have the muscle aches, tightness, fatigue and pains that have occurred as a side effect of Tarceva.

This is my current alternative.  Iressa. My new pills arrived last night.  It came with this file box with a very inspirational quote and a pretty decent looking cancer cookbook.

My oncologist described the change like going from Pepsi to Coke.  It's more than likely if I don't have GI issues with Tarceva, I may not with Iressa.  I took my first dose before bed. Let's just say, I'm noticing a slight side effect this morning.  But I would think that's expected anyway when switching meds. All in all, so far, so good.

On the plus side(s), I can take it with or without food.  No more waiting 2+ hours after eating to take my pill.  I don't have to to avoid the sun, which has been a challenge with an outdoor job. No more staying covered and out of the sun. I'm going to give it a couple days to get the Tarceva out of my system.  But I can't wait to be outside in shorts and short sleeves again.

T-Minus 10 Days and Counting

Join us for the Lung Force Walk at Centennial Center Park, Centennial, CO on June 11.

I'm excited about he upcoming Denver Lung Force Walk.  I was able to help brainstorm and plan the event while volunteering on the Walk Committee.  We have a $40,000 fundraising goal for this event. This is much needed funds for lung cancer awareness education and research.

Before the walk I will be sharing my lung cancer story along with other Lung Force Heroes. It's amazing to hear these stories of otherwise healthy, active, never smokers and non smoking women that have been diagnosed with lung cancer.

While we gather, walk and celebrate surviving life with lung cancer we will also be walking in memory of those that we've lost to this most deadly of all cancers.

Join Lisa's Team or Donate to Lung Force 

It's Not Hard To Say Goodbye

I had my follow up appointment with my radiation oncologist, Dr. Ridings, today. She evaluated my spine and said we can say goodbye and there are no additional appointments needed.

My spine may still be weak and it is still healing.  So no running until August 1.  But I'm cleared for non-jarring aerobic activity until then.  The elliptical has always been intimidating to me.  But it may be my new friend.

Goodbye Radiation Oncology and Dr. Ridings

Today was my first (and last) appointment at the new office.  This is not "so long".  This is huge THANK YOU and a bigger GOODBYE to Dr. Ridings and the Memorial Hospital Oncology Radiology Department.

Side Effects or Something Else?

With a higher dose of my targeted treatment pill, Tarceva, I experienced all over muscle aches and pains.  The dose was lowered.  Most of those pains went away.

Lately, I've been concerned with some muscle tightness.  I started doing morning stretches after my last back pain issue. Since I was going to stretch my back every day, I thought I would be good to stretch the rest of my body too.

I realized I'm having issues with more than just my lower back.  Most all my body is tight. There has been no improvement in flexibility after several weeks of daily stretches.  I contacted my oncologist last Friday.  He suggested I hold off on my chemo pill for a few days to see if things improve.  Today is Monday.  I haven't taken a pill since Thursday.

I didn't think it would be too scary to not take my chemo pill for the last few days. I knew I would still have some in my system. I didn't think the cancer would return within a couple days.  But my energy levels were down.  I was also reluctant to carry on with normal activities for a couple days.

I called the oncologist today with my update.  Three days with no pill.  Three days with very little to no change.  So the plan is to go back to my regular dosage tonight.

Maybe I'm just that out of shape.  Maybe the stress on my body has effected me more than I realized.  Maybe this isn't lung cancer or treatment related.

The Rain in May Stays Mainly on the Brain

The forecast is calling for rain this week. That makes me think of May 2015. It rained 28 days in May last year. We don't get rain like that in Colorado Springs. It was so humid. I was having a hard time breathing.

That's the bad thing about lung cancer. The symptoms are often very similar to other symptoms. My lungs felt so heavy last May. I didn't think too much about it at the time because of our unusual, wet, humid, weather.

I now know it wasn't the weather causing my breathing problems. It was, yet to be diagnosed, lung cancer.

When it rains, and I'm at work, it triggers that memory of my bogged down lungs.

I've been deleting emails from the urgent care type facility that I went to in December 2014. Every time I see their emails it triggers the memory of going to their location, thinking I had bronchitis, and being told my lungs sounded clear. I was told my congestion was caused by post nasal drip. I explained that I cough all the time, even without a head cold.  I was given a list of over counter medications and the appointment was over.

This last week I decided to look at an email so I could unsubscribe from the repeated emails. That's when found the email was a survey.  How was your service? Let's just say I gave them an earful with the limited amount of characters I had to notify them that my post nasal drip cough was later diagnosed as stage iv lung cancer. I haven't received a reply yet.

Seeing Red on Mother's Day

Today we celebrate and high five all our moms.  But please remember this when you see the all the pink ribbon pics and pink baseball jerseys...
Every five minutes, a woman in the U.S. is told she has lung cancer, making lung cancer the most common form of cancer in women and the lung cancer death rate in women has more than doubled over the past 35 years.