Stage IV Lung Cancer/One Year Ago Today...August 14, 2015

One year ago today Jeremy and I went to the appointment to get the results from my pet scan. We scheduled it for lunch time. We had plans to break off of work, go to the appointment, get the info and plan of action and return to work.

With the ct scan only, we knew there was a large tumor in my upper right lobe and I was a good candidate for surgery. We thought we were going to find out when my surgery would be scheduled and what the recovery time would be. We got some very different and shocking information...

INOPERABLE, INCURABLE,

STAGE IV LUNG CANCER WITH METASTASIS TO THE SPINE

We did not return to work. That wasn't what we had prepared ourselves for.

Lisa's 8/14/2015 Facebook post, hours after diagnosis

Not many stage iv lung cancer survivors get to celebrate a one year CANCERversary.

I got to have one hell of a celebration last night.

F*ck lung cancer with LessThan Zero
at the 1 Year CANCERversary Party

Lisa doesn't play bass, but looked the part
while sharing her lung cancer story.

Lisa and Jeremy

I'm sure that out of the ones that get to celebrate the one year mark, not many are NED, like me.

I did not beat lung cancer. I am not cured. I don't get to celebrate winning. I celebrate surviving. My fight is ongoing and has no end.

I would love to say I'm no different than I was a year ago. But so many things have changed.
I've lost:

• Energy
• Half of my hair
• My complexion
• Friendships
• A year of exercise and running
• Fears
• Life as I knew it

But I've Gained:

• A new appreciation of life that I think I could I have only achieved by facing the possibly of death head on
• Friendships
• Fears
• New traditions
• New motto: No missed opportunities...When you have a 4 hour layover in Utah. Don't sit in the airport. Jump in an Uber and track down the best burger in Salt Lake City.

One Year Ago Today...August 4, 2015

One year ago today I had the biggest medical procedure I had ever had, up to that point. August 4, 2015 was my bronchoscopy. This is a scope biopsy to get tissue from my largest lung tumor for testing.

I remember some things about that day. To say I was scared is an understatement. I had avoided all things medical my whole life. I do remember the nurse who was in charge of getting me prepped for the procedure. She made things a little easier after I told her why I was so scared.

It's funny how the mind works. Of all the things I should remember from that day, I remember the shoes I had on. They were my new Keds. I bought them that summer and only really worn them with my retro outfit I sewed for the Brian Setzer concert several weeks before. I called them my "cute shoes".

Brian Setzer concert, Hudson Gardens Event Center, June 14, 2015

While I was laying in the bed, scared, I would look down at my shoes and remember how much fun Jeremy and I had at the concert. And I thought about how I felt that day in my retro dress with my cute shoes.

I remember being in the biopsy room. The Drs. and I looked at my CT scan together. We discussed why I was having the procedure. I was given a sedative and someone either said I would smell or I would taste something bad. The next thing I know, I was back in the first room with the nurse and my mom.

I know someone from pathology looked at the biopsy that day, immediately after the procedure. Someone told my mom that it looked like cancer. They would send it off for testing and it would be several days before we would receive a confirmation.

I know my mom told me this news at some point that day. I don't know if it was the sedatives and my selective memory. I can't remember that exact conversation or the location of the conversation. Was I still in recovery? Were we in the car on the way home? Or was I at home?

I do know that I stayed off the Google searches. I didn't want to waste time searching for ailments and diseases I may or may not have. I waited to Google until the biopsy results came back and were official.

A Cough Equals A Dark Cloud of Doubt

Yesterday was my 3 month PET scan. I had the usual scan anxiety. But the rational part of my brain was trying to rule my thoughts to a good outcome. I've been feeling great. Two weeks ago, I even had my best mental and physical day of the last 12 months. I had no pain. I had energy. I was feeling good. I even had thoughts of, it could be possible to have many, or most of my days, pain free and without a care.

Encourage your hopes / Not your fears

But then I crashed. I felt like I was getting sick. I never did get full on sick. I did get a cough. At first it was annoying. But this last weekend and the beginning of this week it was bad with congestion. I decided not to wait until my already scheduled appointment to report my cough. I called the Dr. on Monday.  They said it probably was just the start of an upper respiratory infection and called in an antibiotic prescription for me.  

The combo of not feeling 100%, anxiety about my scan and the sound of my horrible cough got me down. I just needed that cough and my fears to go away!!!!

How do you overcome the fear of the unknown?

The bracelet in the photo was given to me by an acquaintance that is a pancreatic cancer survivor. I don't wear it all the time. But I put it on when I feel the fears overpowering the hopes. I wore it yesterday.

The scan results reflected how I was feeling before the cough set in. No active cancer is visible on my PET scan! There will be no changes in my current treatment plan. You don't fix something that isn't broken.

My next set of follow up scans will be at the end of October, 2016. Instead of a, more detailed, PET scan, it will be a CT scan with contrast. I will also have a brain MRI. This is just a routine one year scan. There is no current reason or concern that requires an MRI.

One Year Ago Today...July 24, 2015

One year ago today the Uncle Samta windsock was hung with care and the first toy donation was under the tree. I had last minute preparations to complete for our Christmas in July party that was scheduled for the next day.

One other thing I had to do that day was get a CT scan. This was the next step after something cloudy showed up on an xray two weeks before. I was to get the scan and have a follow up office appointment, a week or two later, with my primary care physician, Dr. Bird. I never expected a follow up phone call within hours of my scan appointment.

It was Dr. Bird. I can't remember the words he said. Whatever it was it sounded serious enough for me to grab the nearest pen and piece of paper and started writing words and notes from our conversation.

For other breathing issues I had a CT scan in 2008. So we had a baseline to compare to. When referring to my upper right lobe he used the words, mass and slow growing neoplasm. There were spots and nodules throughout both of my lungs. The nodules looked like an infection in the scan. I had been tested for TB. But it was days before we had the final results. There was a possibility I had tuberculosis. But I hadn't been out of the country or around anyone with TB. I discussed the party with Dr. Bird. I didn't want to spread an infection to my family and friends. And I didn't want to cancel the day before. He suggested I cancel the party. But if I decided to still have the party, I needed to keep my distance, wear a mask and not cough near anyone in case this was an infection. He referred me to a pulmonologist for the next test, a bronchoscopy, scope biopsy, to determine if the neoplasm was benign or malignant.

I had never heard the word, neoplasm. So I went to the internet to look up the definition. 

It was the the first time the word cancer had come up. I decided to stay away from the internet research until we knew exactly what we were dealing with. I didn't want to waste time and energy researching anything that didn't pertain to me and my condition.

I decided the show must go on. I didn't cancel the party. I didn't wear a mask. I had been around so many people at home and work. There was no way I had a contagious infection. Someone would have caught it by that point. We had fun, drinks and laughs that night. And we collected a bunch of toys for the Bob Telmosse Christmas Giveaway.

It was a good time and a much needed distraction that weekend.