I completed my Livestrong at the Y program. I tried not to miss any Livestrong days at the gym during the program. There was one particular day that I was feeling very down and tired. I just didn't have it in me that day. But my boyfriend gave me a pep talk. If you would put his pep talks in a book, the title would be, "How Not To Let Lung Cancer Win". Think in this instance he used my, no missed opportunities, motto to remind me that I should not stay at home on the couch that evening.
I went to class. It was yoga that day. Even when I was feeling some pain and I was run down from the day, I was there. I was able to fully participate. The instructor said some words that made quite an impression that day and impacted me for the rest of my life. We were holding a pose and she said something along the lines of, "this is how you are today. Recognize it. But it doesn't mean that's how you will be tomorrow."
In my day planner, in July 2016, there is one day marked with several stars. That was one of the very few days I had no pain, no fatigue, and I almost made it through the whole day without thinking or talking about my lung cancer. Those days are very rare. It's only happened a couple times since starting my treatment in September 2015.
I don't post too much about the bad days. My symptoms and side effects are intermittent. If I do complain, in the next few days things are different. My approach is the "life must go on" method. Almost like, putting the negatives in words will give them strength.
I had goals set for this fall that I've had to change or postpone to next year. Remember how excited I was about running again? I was only able to run a couple of times. At the same time as I started running again my side effects started kicking in. I was getting tired more easily. Stomach and digestive issues that I've been lucky enough to mostly avoid were happening often. I was experiencing new types of pain. I was training to run the Run the Rocks 5k in October. If mental preparedness was all it took, I would have climbed the incline already. But the downside of feeling so well and living a half way normal life is feeling not so well at the same time.
The body and the mind are strange. Does the comfort of friends and family or the excitement of an opportunity/event overpower the negative effects and feelings caused by my lung cancer and treatment? The answer must be, yes.
Surrounded by my dearest friends and with the support of my family, I was able to complete and even run a good portion of the Run the Rocks 5k last month.
This is what Stage iv lung cancer looks like on a good day....and sometimes on a bad day too.
